Category Archives: Alzheimers

Reflection: On Aging’s Bad Breaks 

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Reflection: On Aging’s Bad Breaks 

My first two thoughts: we get plenty of ‘em, and aging is not for the timid. 

My beloved wife fell this past Monday and fractured her ankle. A stumble and a fall in the blink of an eye.  A good thing we were home, and she fell on the carpeted floor. 

It is a bad break to fall in the fragility of our aging, and breaking a bone is just plain bad anytime. After writing my poem for Cathey, ‘I got you,’ suddenly I did not as I was too far away to catch her. 

With the strength of our love, our deep trust in one another, and critically, a resilient sense of humor, we meet these challenges and those to come.  

I love what Anne Lamont recently said on her Facebook page about turning 68. After opining what is left for those of us aging who have witnessed the foolishness, evil, tragedies, and suffering of the world, she says: “So what does that leave? Glad you asked: the answer is simple. A few very best friends with whom you can share your truth. That’s the main thing”, and “we look up. In 68 years, I have never seen a boring sky. I have never felt blasé about the moon, or birdsong, or paperwhites.” 

Ah yes, in our aging, we cling to a few dear friends, sharing our truth and belonging, and looking up and around at the beauty surrounding us.  Please send prayers and healing energy for Cathey and a good recovery for her.

We send each of you our love, gratitude, and appreciation!

 

 

poem: “I got you”

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poem: “I got you”

seated, hand on her cane,
gray head bowed down,
reaching out
she takes my hand

after a few false starts,
gently lifting
and steadying her,
she rises to her fee

opening her eyes, unsteady,
she says, ‘so sleepy, let me get
my balance’ and I reply
‘I got you baby’

she rest her head on
my shoulder, my chin on
top of her head, our arms
wrapped around one another

we take a deep breathe,
inhaling, exhaling,
until she says ‘OK, I am ready,’
and I slowly step back

Herb Stone
here&now working poetry
April 2, 2022

image: by author 

Author’s note: One tender, fleeting
moment in a day of care-giving for
a spouse with Alzheimers.

poem: where is everyone?

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poem: where is everyone?

the ninth of ten siblings,
high school cheerleader,
dancer in the band,
friend to all she knew,
aunt, wife, mother, grandmother

her dreams and memories
are filled with people
which she often
vividly remembers today
feeling their close presence

she will often ask:
where are the young ‘uns,
is everybody upstairs,
didn’t so and so spent the night,
isn’t there thirty in our group

beloved, just us two
old folks living alone;
others out on their own,
some living alone, others passing on,
where is everyone indeed

Herb Stone
here&now working poetry
February 18, 2022

photos: 1) the cheerleader
2) one of ten siblings front
row center (only nine are pictured)
3) Grandmomma

Author’s note: The elderly in our
society face multiple challenges
when it comes to remaining socially
engaged as we age. Perhaps first is
that our culture idolizes its’ youth and
encourages maintaining one’s youthful
attitude as long as possible into old age.
This negates the value elders may bring
to our culture such as seeing the world with
spiritual maturity and offering their wisdom
from long experience. Additionally, for many
as they age, there are factors leading to
increasing loneliness and social isolation.
Some of those factors include cognitive
conditions such as dementia and Alzheimers,
other worsening health conditions of
aging, living arrangements, and lack of
transportation, among other factors. We must
do better at forming inclusive, intergenerational
societies that value and bring dignity
to all regardless of age.

poem: the intensity of now (where am I and how did I get here)

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poem: the intensity of now
(where am I and how did I get here)

yesterday a shadowy memory
tomorrow unimaginable
there is only the intensity of now
stuck in the present moment

past experience unretrievable
and unavailable in creating one’s future
thus stuck in the eternal present
necessarily filled with questions

answers: you are at home
where we live husband and wife
together for fifty years
now elders to a younger generation

we humans carrying on our Earth journey
closer to its end than its beginning
Cosmic Love reigns Supreme: we remain
grateful, in awe of the mystery, hopeful

Herb Stone
here&now working poetry
December 18, 2021

Author’s note: The poem reflects my experience caring for my beloved wife with
Alzheimers. As memories become murky and unreliable and the future
unimaginable, the present is filled with questions and takes on a new intensity of
being stuck in the present. What remains is love, gratitude, awe, and hope on the
journey.

photo by author
‘Gulfview Heights Beach on the Gulf of Mexico, 2017’

quote: supporting and including neurodivergent people for success vis-a-vis pitying and sentimentalizing others

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poem: a thief in the night (stuck in time)

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poem: a thief in the night
(stuck in time)

in her lucid dreaming
she returns to the
farmstead of her youth
with her family
every night as she sleeps

each morning upon
her awakening she ask me
‘how did I get here,’
‘who brought me here,’
‘what is this place”

never mind that
we have been married
50 years, lived in this
house for 35 years, or never
been apart in the last 5 years

sitting on the bed’s edge
looking into her eyes
I remind her she has
been on the farm all night
while she slept

now back home with me,
that we have not been apart
for a second for many years,
in our house where we raised
our family filled with love

a thief in the night,
stuck in space and time,
the dementia confounding,
now each moment together
all the more sweet

Herb Stone
here&now working poetry
November 29, 2021

Image by author
“just resting my eyes”

Author’s Note: A poem
about our life together, my
wife and I, and our experiences
living with Alzheimers.

poem: the elderly couple at the mall

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poem: the elderly couple at the mall

the beaming elderly couple
urgently shuffle directly towards us
as we make our way through
the crowded mall

holding my wife’s hand,
she with her cane,
people jostling us
this way and that

me thinking:
do we know this couple,
what huge smiles they have,
hope they stay on their feet

the elderly man holding his wife’s tiny hand
looks at me with prophetic eyes
and declares “Never stop holding her hand”
to which I empathically reply, “Never!”

now, his words disconnected,
saying “Youngsters,” referring to us
and “Sixty-nine years” referring
to how long they have been married

and I reply “Fifty”
as we have just celebrated
our Golden Anniversary
a few days before

now two old couples beaming,
holding hands, knowing long life love filled,
shuffle off our separate ways
disappearing into the day’s babel

love is patient, love is kind,
it is not envious, boastful, arrogant, or rude,
it rejoices in the truth; bears, believes, hopes,
and endures all things; love never ends

Herb Stone
here&now working poetry
November 19, 2021

photo by jem vistaprint
“still in love”

Author’s note: The last stanza paraphrases
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, The Gift of Love.


poem: the start of our day at home

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poem: the start of our day at home

hearing her soft
murmuring
upstairs in bed
I leave my writing to check on her

she awakens
from her deep overnight sleep
with her first words to me,
‘I am here’

brushing her hair
putting on her robe
and house shoes
descending the stairs

she lies on the couch
facing the front window
with blankets piled high
while I finish my writing

after some time
I ask her,
“Are you ready for
breakfast”

she responding,
blissfully,
“No, I love the silence,
I love this place”

then, after breakfast,
she strolls through the house,
as if in some distant grand villa,
saying, “I love coming here”

morning, at home,
together, starting
another magical day
of demands and surprises

Herb Stone
here&now working poetry
November 13, 2021

Author’s note: Some
reflections on caring for
a loved one with Alzheimers.

photos by author

poem: a morning in the autumn of our golden years approaching our 50th. anniversary

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poem: a morning in the autumn of
our golden years approaching our
50th. anniversary

mornings start slow at our house;
after sleeping through the night
there are all the usual questions
reorienting her for another day

then preparing our breakfast and eating,
and assisting her in showering,
fixing her hair, makeup, and dressing,
I get ready straightening behind us

and now sitting in the blue velvet chair
her radiant smile and twinkling eyes
beaming up at me, this lovely visage of
my wife in our golden years together

together meeting every challenge,
overcoming every obstacle,reaping all
the beauty life has to offer;
accepting, healing, loving always united together

now in the autumn of life, approaching
our 50th. anniversary, falling upward
together, grateful for what we know
and the mystery that remains

Herb Stone
here&now working poetry
November 3, 2021

photos by author

Author’s note: Cathey and I celebrate
our 50 years of marriage this month
on November 14, 2021. Our golden
anniversary.

quote: individuals with neurodivergence* belong and add value in a healthy society

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quote: individuals with neurodivergence* belong and add value in a healthy society

neurodivergent conditions include autism, ADHD, ADD, Alzheimers, bi-polar, tourettes, hyperlexia, dyslexia, OCD and others that have a neuro-developmental basis